{"id":315,"date":"2014-10-10T10:55:35","date_gmt":"2014-10-10T14:55:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/54.212.39.223\/?p=315"},"modified":"2014-10-10T16:23:09","modified_gmt":"2014-10-10T20:23:09","slug":"do-you-hear-through-your-history","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.barbettespitler.com\/?p=315","title":{"rendered":"Do you Hear Through Your History?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\u00a0\"Kids-upset-at-each-other\"<\/a>Recently, while working with a teenage client, she shared a text conversation that was pertinent to the event she was processing. \u00a0As she read her part of the text conversation aloud, she used a calm, soft voice and displayed a sincere demeanor. \u00a0While reading the other person’s texts in the conversation, her voice was filled with attitude and her demeanor was\u00a0condescending\u00a0and rude. \u00a0I found it intriguing how she was using voice inflections and intonations as well as other non-verbals to communicate in a conversation that clearly has none of those as options. \u00a0When I questioned her about it, she was startled. \u00a0She didn’t realize she was doing it at first. \u00a0As we discussed it, she stated, “But that’s how she talks to me when she’s mad”. \u00a0The text conversation did not indicate that the other was annoyed or angry. \u00a0In further exploration, we discovered she was assuming how the other would be speaking.<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0In my practice I always recommend conversations around deep or serious topics occur in person or by phone (if you cannot do it in person). \u00a0In person, you can see, sense and experience the conversation and leave nothing to interpretation. \u00a0You can ask clarifying questions. \u00a0You have the full focus and attention of the person you are communicating with (yes….insist on it!) \u00a0And it makes it more difficult for you, the listener, to hear the other through your own history.<\/div>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Hearing through your history limits the brilliance of the other’s message to you. \u00a0It means you are filtering their words through what you surmise they mean. \u00a0When we “think” we know what they mean we are guessing which means we are hearing through our history and not hearing clearly. \u00a0The brilliance (and yes I mean, the excellence of or the\u00a0magnificence\u00a0of their message) is lost on you. \u00a0You miss it because you are hearing from your own experiences and beliefs.<\/div>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0The text conversation my client shared was a fabulous example. \u00a0\u00a0Because she was\u00a0hearing through her history, she was missing that her friend was actually sharing her desire to return to the friendship they once shared. \u00a0Her friend was literally opening herself up, being vulnerable, and hoping to reconnect. \u00a0My young client was wishing for the same. \u00a0However, her past hurts had accumulated to such a degree she was hearing only complaints and attacks. \u00a0She couldn’t hear the vulnerability and hope her friend was expressing. \u00a0I asked her if I could read the messages out loud to her with a different perspective. \u00a0She allowed me. \u00a0When I was finished… she cried. \u00a0We read the same words…. one was heard through her history. \u00a0The other was heard from an open heart.<\/div>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Hear with an open heart and you will hear love and compassion. \u00a0Hear through your history and you will hear……\u00a0your history<\/i><\/b>!<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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